by Amir Hafizi

Pix Credit:

It was the lowest point of my life. And it started with eating an entire chicken.

I went home from work after buying an ‘ayam golek’ (rolling chicken) and ate it all to get enough energy to tell this one girl I loved her. Then I went to a pub, told her, got rejected, and was - after midnight - on my ass, my legs spread out in front of me, puking while making sure none of the vomit touch my jeans, crying my eyes out, and hailing a cab.

All throughout this ordeal, the only thing inside my head was, “What are the top five songs for breakups or to crash and burn?”

(Click the titles to listen to the songs.)

This song was originally recorded by The Everly Brothers some time in the ‘60s.  Composed by Boudleaux Bryant, it rose to prominence in 1975 when Nazareth performed their version of it.

Because Nazareth has a guttural, violent-sounding name, it belies the fact that the song is about a pretty pathetic situation.

This song is perfect for thinking about your crush having sex with someone else. As stated in Moulin Rouge, “the jealousy will drive you crazy.”

The lines, “cause I wonder where you are. And I wonder what you do. Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?” is proof of this.

The music video tells about something else - a blind girl making an ugly sculpture of Lionel Ritchie, using cornflakes for his Jerry curls.

The ultimate rage song, this is more emotional than Kim, Bonnie and Clyde or the rest of Eminem’s musical arsenal to get back at his wife.

It starts with a recording of Eminem puking and explodes into “You. Don’t. Know. How. Sick. You. Make. Me! You make me sick to my f**king stomach, every time I think of you.”

What follows is pure, unadulterated, undiluted rage, rage, rage. This is Em at his best, providing us one song for that period when we really, really hate the girl who has dumped us/wronged us/whatever.

This song is so gay, the original singer has the word ‘gay’ in her name.

The song promotes moving on and finding our own inner strength to get over our breakup. Usually sung by people of the ‘fairer sex’, some experiments by straight men can result in success - as in successful laughter for everyone else.

If you have really moved on, you will sing this classic dangdut by Hetty Koes Endang.

It’s a love song that’s frilly, silly and is all around fun. It mentions the early stages of love and relationships, meaning you are over your hatred and anger about the previous agony, and are open for new ones.

Look! Here's a collectible sticker (Right click to save). Collect them all!