by Amir Hafizi

Pix Credit: http://kitchenimprovements.org

Nothing makes a woman more breathless than a man who knows what he’s doing. Especially in the kitchen.

Even if you don’t know what you’re doing, we men can always rely on machines. Awesome ones that can make her say, “Oh! Did both the temperature and humidity level just rise simultaneously or is it me? Because I’m getting quite hot.”

Here are some kitchen appliances that we think are just manly enough to achieve that or other, similar effects.

1. The Blendtec Extreme Blender


Pix Credit: blendtec.com




This is a rather obvious choice. The Blendtec was made famous on the Internet for their Will It Blend videos, like this one where they tried to blend an iPad 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USiaeXzYkOE&feature=player_embedded

Blendtec manufacturs a few lines of blenders and Tom Dickson - the guy you saw blending the iPad is the founder and CEO of Blendtec. Of all the lines and models, Blendtec only carries one that bears his name and signature, and we can see why.

This is the Tom Dickson Extreme Blender - Blendtec’s most powerful blender, consuming 20amps and 2400 Watts to a direct-drive motor, all in a 12lbs (5.45kg) body. Dickson offers a 10-year-warranty as a testament to his faith in this unit, but only applies to North America.

In comparison, most of the Will It Blend videos used the other Blendtec models which has a range from 1300-1600W and on average of 15amps. Perhaps with this monster, you can blend an entire PC. Or your favourite slushie. Your call.

For her, you can talk endlessly about how you’re into health shakes and can even make her one with green vegetables, milk, almonds and honey that doesn’t taste like crap with the Blendtec. Women will think you are a safe, healthy mate with a healthy eating habit. Until three weeks into the relationship when she catches you trying to blend a quarter-pounder into a shake.

Manliness Gauge: 3/5
Humidity level: 40%
Price: US$ 1034.95 (RM 3246.63)

Where to get it: You can buy it off the Blendtec site, and some local retailers have some of the models here in Malaysia, but no word on the Tom Dickson Extreme Blender just yet.

2. Brunopasso PD-1 Espresso Machine

 Pix Credit: brunopasso.com
Trust the Italians to define and redefine manliness.

This Ferrari of coffee-makers is so because it was designed based on Ferraris. The design and look of the Brunopasso is everything. It is sleek, and even has these two ‘speed dials’ staring at you as you pull the beech-handle levers, making it look it in the eyes as you well, make your coffee.

  Pix Credit: brunopasso.com
The thing makes you look macho because its curves makes it look like a woman. Handling it makes you look like a man, hairy arms and all. And what is the result? Great espresso! And also a greatly ‘humidifying’ act of flirtation.

Great stuff from the Italians, right? Only one thing - this espresso machine was designed by a Japanese man - Tadahito Ishibashi.

Manliness Gauge: 4/5
Humidity level: 70%
Price: US$850 (RM 2666.45)

Where to Get it: Get one at http://www.devicestyle.co.jp/products/brunopasso/pd1/index.html, if you can read Japanese.

3. Fridge
There are a lot of refrigerators to choose from. Manufacturer Sub-Zero is definitely a deal-maker as it is secretive about its price. This means that “If you have to ask...”. Rumours put Sub-Zero refrigerators from a few to several hundred thousand ringgit.


 Pix Credit: sub-zero.com


That’s right. Hundreds of thousands of ringgit. For a fridge. Must be a damn good fridge!


If a woman who knows her stuff sees that you have a Sub-Zero, that’s it man. You are in her good books forever. You’re rich, and you are not stingy enough to avoid getting what is probably one of the best fridge in the world.

OR, you can get this one - the Asko HomePub. The Asko HomePub is a fridge with which you can store beer. That’s right. You can put two kegs of beer in special containers and pump it out via this spout thing in front. Fantastic stuff. And works to attract women who drink beer (a lot more than you think).


  Pix Credit: asko.com

Manliness Gauge: 2/5

Humidity level: 40%
Price: US$850-US$1000 (RM2666.45- 3137) for the Asko Homepub and for the Sub-Zero, if you have to ask...

Where to Get it: You MUST contact Sub-Zero directly and they will vet you thoroughly to ensure you fall into their required criteria, or don’t have any lice. And THEN, they will DECIDE whether you are worthy or not to buy their fridge.

As for the Asko HomePub, it is not yet available here, unless something awesome happened in the past few weeks.

4. Steak Toaster
This is a device only a man would use. Women consider cooking as a source of pain, and they worship that suffering as some sort of spiritual currency. Real men boil down everything to its empirical values and get the job done quickly and without fuss.


 Pix Credit: ariete.com


This is the Ariete SteakHouse Indoor Grill. It is called a grill, but since the meat is inserted vertically (with the fats draining to catch pans underneath) it uses basically the same principles to heat toast. Since the fat is collected at the bottom, it doesn’t generate a lot of smoke since the fat doesn’t get close to the heating implements.

Pix Credit: ariete.com

Other grills doesn’t look or function as impressively as this. It is a conversation piece as you show your female companion how it’s done. And then show her how to eat meat like a man.

Manliness Gauge: 5/5
Humidity level: 50%
Price: EUR 150 (RM 629.24 )

Where to Get it: http://www.ariete.net/catalog/Bistecchiere-e-griglie/SteakHouse-Grill

If you manage to get all these appliances in a kitchen, and then entice a woman to step in, we assure you that the only other thing you would need is a water-bed.